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What I Spent to Adopt My Child
Three families share their adoption stories, illuminating the variety of choices — and costs — involved in the process.
This piece is part of "The Price of Modern Parenting." Read about the sandwich generation , caring for aging relatives and out-of-pocket expenses for preterm births.
Each adoption process shares the same ultimate purpose: to unite children who need families with those that want children. Yet, despite this common goal, the price tag of adoption in the United States varies widely.
The cost depends on what path you choose: If adopting through the public foster care system, your total out-of-pocket expenses can be next to nothing. If you hope to adopt a newborn, however, the cost can reach $45,000 or sometimes higher if you're adopting from outside the country.
[ What to know before adopting a child ]
There are two main paths to adopt an infant in the United States: through a lawyer, often referred to as an "independent adoption," or through an agency. An independent adoption can cost $15,000 to $40,000, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, a federal service. These fees typically cover a birth mother's medical expenses, legal representation for adoptive and birth parents, court fees, social workers and more. Prospective parents will also be responsible for finding a birth mother, a process that can involve advertising on websites and in print ads. "Fees can be from several hundred for low-cost advertising up to tens of thousands of dollars," said Colleen Quinn, a private adoption attorney working in Virginia.
When adopting through an agency, costs can vary by state, ranging from $20,000 to $45,000, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway. That covers organizational, legal and medical expenses. And all agencies operate differently, "so be sure to carefully review what is and is not covered in their rate prior to signing with them," said Molly Rampe Thomas, founder of Choice Network, an agency based in Ohio.
Here are the stories of three families who pursued adoption through different paths. Their stories help illuminate the variety of choices — and costs — facing adoptive parents.
Marc Koenigsberg and Robb Layne, Foster Care Adoption
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When Marc Koenigsberg, 45, and Robb Layne, 40, first met the 9-year-old boy who would become their son, they spent the day playing catch in a park, flanked by social workers. "It was such a contrived situation," Koenigsberg said. "He originally seemed very shy and uninterested in us."
On their drive home, however, the young boy surprised them. "So when are you going to adopt me?" he asked from the back seat. Koenigsberg, a lawyer, not usually at a loss for words, managed an answer about needing to make sure "the fit" was right for everybody, to which the boy responded, confidently: "It's a good fit."
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"My heart must have stopped in that moment," said Koenigsberg. After serving as his foster parents for nearly a year, Koenigsberg and Layne legally adopted the young boy in December 2009 with the help of Sierra Forever Families, a nonprofit agency operating in 12 counties in California.
The couple, who recently celebrated their 14th wedding anniversary, said they always planned to form their family through adoption. "I don't know my biological family," said Layne, who was raised by adoptive parents. "So who better equipped to adopt than me?"
They researched various paths — including private and international adoption — but decided to work within foster care because of what Layne described as the system's "unparalleled network of resources and support."
The federal government subsidizes the costs of adopting through the public foster care system, up to $2,000. Once a child is officially placed in their care, foster parents receive a monthly stipend to help offset the costs of childrearing until the child turns 18 (or 21 in certain states). Those who are matched with "hard to place" children, such as those who are older or have special needs, may qualify for additional financial support.
Koenigsberg and Layne received $1,000 a month from the state of California after their adoption was finalized. They dedicated half of this money for day-to-day costs, like medical copays, clothes and piano lessons. The other half they put into a college savings account, which totaled $60,000 by the time their son, now 20, enrolled in college.
Yet Layne stressed that this financial assistance had little to do with their decision to pursue foster care. "I would hate for anyone to choose this simply because it's the cheapest option," he said. The real advantage, he said, was the additional resources offered to families who adopt through the foster-care system.
Though it varies by state, this support can include things like continued access to health care coverage, educational vouchers, waivers and post-adoption support, said Rita Soronen, president and chief executive officer of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.
When asked to total the out-of-pocket expenses the couple allocated toward their adoption, Layne said, "At the risk of sounding glib — gas money. Otherwise, nothing. No processing fees, or surprise $1,000 bills here and there, and that's very typical of the foster care experience."
Jacqui Hunt, Agency Adoption
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When Jacqui Hunt was 18 and living in California, she gave birth to a baby boy and placed him for adoption. "I just wasn't prepared to be a single parent at that point in my life," Hunt, now 53, said. "It's not something my family, or society, would have accepted at the time."
Over 30 years later, she is happily embracing parenthood on her own — this time as an adoptive parent herself in New York City. "I've kind of come full circle on the issue," she said.
Like many parents by way of adoption, Hunt spent many years trying, and failing, to conceive.
Eventually, she turned to adoption, looking first into the foster care system. She quickly learned, however, that New York was among the 25 states requiring foster parents to provide any child older than an infant — which represent the overwhelming majority of those in foster care — with their own bedroom. To qualify, she'd need to move from her studio apartment, in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan, to a larger unit.
For Hunt, a public school teacher, a two-bedroom apartment in New York — where the average rent for a two-bedroom is $3,390, according to the real estate site Zumper — was cost prohibitive. Though a private adoption would be more expensive, Hunt reasoned that it would still be cheaper in the end since she could remain in her more affordable apartment for the foreseeable future.
She had $20,000 in savings that she planned to dedicate toward the adoption fee, and figured she'd take out a loan to cover the balance. Initially, she signed up with Adoption Star, a nonprofit agency with an office in a suburb of Buffalo, N.Y. She was roughly $13,000 into the process — allocated toward an adoption consultant, educational seminars, initial agency fees and travel — when she learned Spence-Chapin, an agency in Manhattan, was accepting applications.
Hunt decided to switch agencies to help cut down on travel time and costs. She also preferred the flat-fee structure of Spence-Chapin, which services just New York and New Jersey and charged $36,000 start to finish at the time (its rate increased to $46,000 as of 2019). At Adoption Star, which works nationally, fees vary based on the state where the adoption is completed.
Eventually, Hunt matched with a newborn girl who exhibited certain risk factors. As an incentive for prospective parents to consider matching with children with "special needs," like ongoing therapeutic or medical attention, Spence-Chapin waives professional fees. In Hunt's instance, this led to a discount of $15,000.
And at a local adoption event, she learned of the scholarship program HelpUsAdopt.org — one of the few grant organizations that accepts applications from single parents — through which she was awarded $13,000.
After the grant and the Spence-Chapin exemption, Hunt ultimately spent $20,500 for her adoption — including the initial costs toward Adoption Star — almost precisely the amount she had in savings to cover the costs.
"It was a tumultuous path that got me here, but I don't regret a thing," she said. "My daughter is the joy of my life."
Deirdre and James Parker-Young, International Adoption
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Married since 2006, Deirdre and James Parker-Young haven't been on a dinner date in nearly four years, they said. They haven't taken a single vacation during this time, either. And they've relied on one car to negotiate the schedules of their demanding jobs — she a preschool teacher and he a logistician for the Navy. The motivation for their penny pinching: to gain the approval of the social worker conducting their adoption home study.
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Deirdre, 38, and James, 39, attribute their long-held interest in adoption to their upbringings. "Growing up, it wasn't unusual to have a neighborhood kid who needed a place to stay for a bit come live with us for awhile," Deirdre said, adding that adoption "is just something we've always wanted to do."
It came as a surprise, however, that they would have to tighten their budget so severely to be able to adopt. Deirdre and James also worked with Spence-Chapin, planning to adopt an infant through the agency's domestic program. But the couple, who live in Washington, D.C., learned that program is available only to prospective parents in New York and New Jersey, so they instead decided to apply to its South Africa program, which works with parents nationally.
Most countries require adoptive parents to travel to the country of origin to finalize the adoption. The number of trips and length of stay required will vary by country, as will adoption program fees. There are also additional court fees for immigration processing. The total cost of an international adoption can fall between $20,000 to $50,000, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway.
The South Africa program would require the couple to spend at least six weeks abroad to complete the process, but it also had the potential to be less expensive than a domestic adoption. Spence-Chapin estimates the costs of adopting through the South Africa program to be just over $18,000.
Every adoptive parent must complete a home study, though the process differs by state, agency and the type of adoption. Most home studies take three to six months, and will include several visits from a caseworker, criminal and financial background checks, and physical and mental health assessments. Those pursuing international adoption, however, will need to satisfy the requirements of both countries, which can complicate the process.
For Deirdre and James, this meant making some major adjustments to their finances. Deirdre owed $105,500 in student loans, prompting the social worker to deny their home-study approval.
Spence Chapin paired the couple with a free consultant from Your Adoption Finance Coach, a company that helps prospective adoptive parents create financial plans to fund their adoption.
"They told us it was going to be an uphill climb, and would take longer than normal to get approval, but that it was doable," James said.
So the couple cut costs, and Deirdre worked a second job during the summers. Eventually, they saved more than $20,000, and paid down $40,000 worth of student loan and credit card debt. They also bought their first home. "I think that's what put us over the edge," Deirdre said.
Shortly after completing their home study, Spence-Chapin matched the couple with a 2-year-old boy, whom they officially adopted in May 2019. Start to finish, the couple estimates the adoption cost them $21,000.
"It's been the joy of our lives," Deirdre said, when asked if all the belt tightening had been worth it. But, she admitted, it was nice to finally be able to eat out again — now as a family of three.
From negotiating family leave to wrangling your budget after baby, visit NYT Parenting for guidance on dealing with work and money as a parent.
David Dodge is a writer focusing on non-traditional families and a proud father of three.
Adopt a Newborn Baby Adopt a Newborn Baby for Free
Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/11/parenting/adoption-costs.html
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